Anatomy of an Addiction: Not for Men Only
Anatomy of an Addiction: not for Men Only
This article attempts to make sense of our vulnerabilities to developing abusive or to use a more popular term; addictive relationships to activities of daily living. I will review the outstanding features of those of us caught up in addictive relationships. Then, I will highlight some developmental issues that may determine an addictive relationship to one specific activity of daily living; male masturbation. As an addictive relationship male masturbation has received much publicity with the coming of age of the World Wide Web.
As I understand these matters masturbation has the same potential for abuse and belongs in the same category as eating, working, and spending. All of these activities in moderation are healthy and pleasurable activities. When used in moderation they all keep us in balance and thus, serve life sustaining functions. When we develop an over reliance on these activities in ways they were not intended to be used by adults, they become self defeating and self destructive activities. They wind up creating problems for us instead of enhancing our lives, and they erode our willingness and abilities to sensibly manage our lives.
I write this article hopeful that many of you out will there will enhance your understandings of why so many of us take such activities beyond healthy self interest into a realm of unhealthy extremes. I hope whatever you learn may translate to greater compassion, acceptance and empathy for those who suffer with addictive behaviors. Furthermore, my desire is that these insights empower those who of us who will benefit from them to overcome our denial of needing more help than just plain willpower.
Many of us recall having seen on television or read how in an era that predated modern medicine salesmen peddled tonics. These tonics were advertised as elixirs for all that ailed the consumers. Those who hawked these products preyed on folks’ wishes for magical solutions to their medical problems. Not only did these elixirs not live up to their billing but, the buyers by neglecting more conventional treatments wound up worsening their conditions. Furthermore, the consumers’ appetites for these alcohol based tonics grew as they were indeed, habit forming. The unsuspecting buyers in many cases wound up drinking these tonics as if they were “stiff drinks” to forget their unhappiness about their physical ailments and temporarily numb their pain. The more they became hooked on the alcohol laden elixirs, the less willing and able they were to manage their lives let alone their ailments. Soon they were so disabled mentally and physically by these tonics that even if they were inclined to see a doctor they couldn’t gather themselves to do so.
Such is the anatomy of an addictive relationship. An interesting note here is that one does not have to self-medicate emotional pain with alcohol or other mind altering drugs. This can be accomplished with food, exercise, spending, and even pleasuring one’s self. All can produce similar effects on our brains. We all have bottomless bags of magic tricks to temporarily make life’s challenges we are overwhelmed by disappear. Meanwhile these actions increase our resistance to change, weaken our tolerance for the painful truths abut ourselves we all must face to grow, and devalue and retard our abilities to create meaningful changes in our lives.
At the risk of over simplifying an examination of addictive behaviors below please find a review of some outstanding characteristics of folks suffering with addictive disorders. As you read the comments please keep in mind that addictive behaviors speak volumes about ferocious struggles to resist needing others in any way, shape or form unless those others can be controlled. Folks who suffer with addictive relationships do not discriminate between healthy dependencies and unhealthy dependencies.
As mentioned before we deny that our magical solutions to our problems increasingly become self defeating and self destructive. We deny that our addictive behaviors sabotage and disable our mental functioning making us more unwilling and/or unable to develop healthier and more mature ways to meet our needs. The continuation of these behaviors may result in mental and physical problems due to the stressful consequences of our actions.
Our actions are as much exercises in futility as trying to feed a lonely heart with endless amounts of food. All we will wind up with is a helplessly and hopelessly lonely, obese person who learns to eat to temporarily fill an emotional void. We can temporarily numb an infection with a topical anesthetic and cover it with a band aid so we don’t have to look at it however, such band aid approaches are quick fixes that only make matters worse in the long run.
Folks