Healing the “Imposter Syndrome”

Published May 17, 2010

Do you ever feel as though you are hiding who you really are? Are you afraid that if people knew your secrets, you would not be liked or respected? If you do, you are not alone. Many people feel like an imposter. Their stress level is high, because they worry about their truth being revealed.

I learned about this concept in the course of counseling many clients, as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. One example is the case of John, a 38-year-old vice president of a large company. People thought that he was an extremely responsible person. Yet he had a hidden irresponsible side to his personality. John acted out his secret by having an extra-marital relationship, and by using alcohol and cocaine to excess. At work, 175 people looked to him for guidance, leadership and moral direction. They did not know that he was snorting cocaine in his office.

John spent a lot of time and energy trying to be the perfect model…the perfect boss, perfect husband and father, and perfect lover for his girlfriend. But no matter how hard he tried, he still felt imperfect and not good enough. John was always afraid that he would get caught and was terrified that people would find out that he was really an imposter. The handsome, wealthy man was in a chronic state of anxiety. Can you relate to John’s behavior and feelings?

Another example is Betty’s story. Her mother became mentally ill when she was eight-years-old and was unable to be there for her. Her father worked long hours and never spoke about it. Betty focused on school and excelled, but was a loner because she felt anxious that people would find out her mother was mentally ill and then think she was also unstable. Even though she was now 42-years-old and married to a wonderful man, she was still feeling the pain of that time.

Does Betty’s story strike a cord in you or someone you know? The truth is that you are unique but your problems are not. Most people have some negative things that happened to them that they do not share with others. Whether it was physical, sexual, or mental abuse, alcoholic or drug addicted parents, you can release any shameful feelings. What happened was not okay, but you are okay.

You can release your anxiety by letting go of the belief that you are an imposter. If you need to, tell someone you can trust how you are feeling and resolve your issues. Choose a person who can help you free yourself of your imposter complex and feel good about yourself. You deserve to feel good, and be healthy and happy.

copyright 2009 by Helene Rothschild, MS, MA, LMFT, Licensed Marriage, Family Therapist, intuitive counselor, and author of,”All You Need Is HART! Create Love, Joy and Abundance ~NOW!” She offers telephone sessions, a relationship check-up report/questionnaire, books, e-books, CDs, Mp3 audios, plus a free newsletter, “Healing Your Body” Mp3 and “Truths Set You Free” e-booklet. http://www.helenerothschild.com , 1-888-639-6390.

Healing the “Imposter Syndrome”

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