What Does It Say About Me..is There a Psychological “profile” or Diagnose for Someone Who Has Two Abusive?

Question by Katie: What does it say about me..is there a psychological “profile” or diagnose for someone who has two abusive?
relationships in their lives? First, was my husband whom I found out after being married for several years was bi-polar. Not long after is when he stopped all medication and the “physical” abuse began. There was “emotional” abuse prior to the physical, which I didn’t understand until years later, it was abuse. He had convinced me it was all my fault and no one else would ever love me as much as he did or no one would ever love me. After years of leaving and going back usually because he would make me feel so guilty for something he did but he was very good at manipulating me (and others). Finally I left and never looked back. I became a “ghost” so he couldn’t find me. He would hunt me down or hire investigators to find me whenever I left. From the day I left my husband and for 7 1/2 years I didn’t date, I didn’t anything. Someone would ask me out, give me their business card and asked me to call if I changed my mind. Then after the 7 1/2 years I met this man and became seriously involved with him. We fell in love. After 6 months, I found out he was an alcoholic (supposed recovering) & a “meth” addict, I didn’t know what meth was. After battling the disease with him for several years, he had a break and became violent, dangerously violent but it was always out of love and to save me (he was convinced he was the only one who could save me). He held me hostage for weeks on end, he would not leave or he would returned after just getting out of jail…. for breaking into my apartment and break in again then to jail, again. The last time he broke in he “harmed” me..let’s just say,… severely. He was in jail for a long time. I haven’t been in another relationship for over 2 years which was okay until recently. I would like to start dating but I’m terrified I’ll end up in another violent relationship. I’ve been in therapy before and I’m seeking help after moving but it takes time to find the right therapist. I’m a non-violent person, I’m told by friends I’m a good person, a nice person. I’m caring, loving, trustworthy, faithful and like to laugh and learn every day. What is wrong with me or what am I doing wrong when choosing the person to share my life with??? Telling me I’m messed up or the like will only confirm my fears that there are so many cruel people out there how do I even dare to think about finding someone to share my life. Please constructive criticism only.

Best answer:

Answer by Q
It could be that this is familiar for you–that you are subconsciously seeking to replicate a situation that existed when you were growing up, but that you hope that this time, you’ll make it have a happier ending. Were you abused as a child? Or it could be that the first guy was just chance–he was clever and hid his abusiveness till he had you hooked. But then guy #2 was you subconsciously hoping to replicate the situation with guy #1, but with a happier ending. Or it could be that you were raised in a dystunctional way and so you don’t know what normal is so all the warning signs that others would react to so they’d run away from these guys, you don’t recognize so don’t run away. If you realize that this is your pattern, then you can change it! Therapy will help. Also listen to your friends. Do you have friends who warned you about these guys but you disregarded it?

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