What Can I Do About My Life?

Published May 22, 2010

Hi, i’m here to see if i can get some good advice from someone. I’m 19 years old, i’ve been obese for all of my life, i’ve lost everything i had and life, and i’m suffering from severe depression. this all started when i was a kid. I’ve always been the fat kid, and my obesity has caused me social/love and psychological problems. I have tried to loose weight, but nothing seems to work, so i have accepted the fact that i’m fat and i will always be fat. Moving on, i mentioned that i have lost everything in my life, and i mean it. When i was in 6th grade my parents got divorced and i have not seen my mother to this very day. Loosing my mom, thinking that she didn’t care for me, sent me into depression. This depression turned me to drugs at a very young age. i started out smoking marijuana, then i moved on to trying other drugs. To me it didn’t matter what it was, as long as it could get me high i would try it. I experimented with almost every drug known to man, from cocaine, to psychedelic mushrooms, to ecstasy, to methamphetamine, to numerous prescription drugs prescribed for: pain, psychiatric disorders, anxiety, and some that alter the nervous system. If i could get my hands on it and it would give me some sort of high, i would use it. i got to the point where i would get so high, i would start blacking out, and a few times i woke up with physical injuries. near the end of last yeaar, i was arrested for possesion of a class 4 narcotic, xanax, and i am now on prohbation for two years. this event made me realize that i had to quit. so i completely stopped using any kind of drug, i will not even take a tylenol for a head ache. at first i had serve withdrawals,but i just fought my way through them, hoping that one day they would eventuall desipate. i do not suffer from any physical withdrawals any more, but i do suffer from depression. when i stopped using drugs, i quit associating with all my friends, because they all use drugs, and i was afraid that if i was around drugs i would break, and return to using them. therfore i now have no social life. i have tried to meet new people, but they always seem to talk to me for about a week, and then i cannot get a response from any type of contact. The thing that i feel that most contributes to my depression, is that i have no one to love. In 19 years, i have never once had a girlfriend. I believe this is mainly due to my low self esteem caused by my obesity. In the midst of all this, I lost my home and my means of transportation at the beginning of this year. In april a very large oak tree fell through my house, and crushed my truck. When all this happened i lost all hope in life, and almost commited suicide. i don’t know what stopped me but i’m still here for some reason. With the loss of my home, my depression has incresed very greatly. Due to the fact that i am prohbation and have large fines to pay, my money is very limited, and i am unable to buy a new vehicle. my dad was fortunate enough to find a new home that we have recently moved into. In the meantime to try and cope with my depression i have turned to the two things i love in life, i have begun to learn to play guitar and i have focused my artistic abilities in hopes of becoming a tattoo artist someday. This only eases very little of the emotional pain. After losing everything i had left in life, and i know they are only material posseions, i have lost all faith in whatever religious beliefs i once had, i believe that the only thing left that can happen to me is that i might die. Can some one help me? Can someone give me hope? Can you tell me how i can become happy? i wish i knew what it was.

What Can I Do About My Life?

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