So Sick and Tired of My Parents, Have No Idea What to Do?
Question by Stacy K: So sick and tired of my parents, have no idea what to do?
Ok, I’m not even looking as much for an answer to my problem there as simply some support and affirmation. Let me start by telling a bit of a background. So last August both me and my fiancee got into some trouble ( he driving while revoked) and is serving time now; he should be out by this August. I had drug issues and went through rehab, now I’m clean. Meanwhile we lost our apartment and I and my son who is 14 months old now had to move in with my parents. I’d rather have lived with fiancee’s mother (I’d refer to her as mother in law) but the apartment rules forbid that. Since the custody was 50-50, she takes the child for half of the week and he stays here for another half. I take care of him most of the time (all the time while he is here unless I have to work, and visit him every day when he is at the other house, usually for 4-5 hours). Now, here’s the issue. My parents’ are not happy with anything- my job hours were pretty hectic and when I worked 50+ hours per week they complained that I worked too much and that they’re “the unpaid babysitters”. Now my job hours are cut severely and I’m looking for a different job (i.e. spending most of my spare time job hunting, filling applications, sending resumes, having interviews, etc.) and they’re not happy about that, complaining that I’m doing nothing. Basically they said I should be with the child 24/7 even when he is in the other house having his day nap, which makes no sense to me since it would be a waste of my time to be there (no internet- can’t search for jobs, and have to keep phone conversations very quiet since he is a very light sleeper). They also say that I somehow can combine babysitting and job hunting (like yeah, having a phone interview with a baby screaming in the background or trying to fill an application with him tugging at my sleeve). I would not lie, perhaps I am not doing 100% of my potential but i feel I came a long way since last August- got clean off drugs, got a job, taking care of the child as I am supposed to, etc, but still not good enough. My self esteem is very low and I am labeling myself as a deadbeat mother and a complete loser, esp. since I have a college education but could not apply it anywhere. And now at 24 I am stuck with my parents once again. Now, the final straw was a couple days ago when they complained that I took a 3 hour nap while I was supposed to be at the other house with the child WHILE he was napping (they said, why don’t you go and sleep there). That did not make any sense to me and I exploded. A horrible conflict then ensued, which ended with me going over to mother in law and telling her what happened. Now, I asked her not to call my parents, cause I knew that it would cause only more problems. She did anyways and threatened to call the police to settle the matter, and my parents got very pissed off and now they’re blaming ME for her behavior and telling that I’m a traitor to them and that I purposely “sided with that evil woman” and told her lies about them (I don’t tell lies, I just tell how I feel, and I might exaggerate in the midst of emotions, especially since I often “hear” things that are worse than what were actually told, but I NEVER make lies deliberately to make someone look bad- and she exaggerates too, hence the “lies”). I just don’t see a) Why in the absence of a father I must take on a double load if there’s help available AND if I am trying to fulfill other things like job search, b) Why I should be responsible for another adult’s actions, oh and c) How come it is OK for me not to go over there in the mornings IF my mother asks me to do some chores around the house or just keep her company or whatever, but IF I need to do some stuff on my own, like fill out applications or sort out papers or clothes, etc, or even take a nap, all of a sudden I become an unfit mother. Just want to hear peoples’ opinions of whether they think this is fair or not, and perhaps some suggestions on dealing with my parents.
P.S. I am optimistic because I know I will have my whole family back soon and I already got some job offers which I hope will be followed through, so I can get a full time job, save money and get the hell out of here, but for the time being, what should I do?
Ok, to See levl, let me clarify something:
My mother in law does not mind taking care of the child at all, she loves it, and it is not a burden to her. She even has a friend who is willing to babysit him for free on occasions, if both of us working. My mother on the other hand is different- if the child spends too much time at the other house she would complain that she does not get to see her grandson, but if she has to sit with him even for just a day when I am working, I would hear about it later in an argument about how much they’re doing for me, blah blah blah. Now, my mother has my father helping her as WELL as my grandmother. My mother in law mostly does it on her own and NEVER complains or throws it back into my face UNLESS I really was lazy or slacking off (which did not happen since August- before then, she was pretty unhappy with me). She believes in unbiased help, and my mother wants a medal for everything she does, BUT if she does not get to see her grandchild, t
then she complains that she is deprived of her grandparenting right.
Best answer:
Answer by See leVel
Lie low for the time being,you are the one who needs mother and mother in law most.So don’t irk them.Don’t over burden the old ladies with more then they can take.
Sort your life out and get to live on your own.
Know better? Leave your own answer in the comments!
Alcohol Rehab for Women – http://www.orchidrecoverycenter.com/drug-rehab/