Review My Story Please.?
Question by Thorn in her side: Review my story please.?
“I HATE chem-lab!” Melony roared. Leo sighed. “I know, I know. I hate it to, but I don’t shout it to the teachers”. She ignored him “I am not going to be a chemist! So-why-is-it-so-important!” Leo let her go on, and thought about his fireworks hex. If only she knew- but then again, if she didn’t like chem-lab, why would she like magic?
A sudden chilly breeze washed over them, and they shivered in unison. The temperature was dropping rapidly, Leo could feel it. His breath materialized as white fog, and the windows were visibly frosting over. The lockers began to crackle and everyone ran to their classes, not wanting to endure the cold a second more.
Leo ran to the window, Melony at his heels. “Where are you-” she began, but Leo waved her off. “Not here” Leo shook his head. “Not here-MOVE!” he grabbed Melony and dragged her to the ground as the window shattered.
Leo grabbed her by the hand and dragged her away from the window. Leo turned his head to see the man jump through the two story window. The second his feet touched the floor it froze, and he sprinted after them. He had a light blue t-shirt and a pure white robe. On his head he had donned a headscarf, a deep black, and his skin was so white it seemed to glow. Leo recognised him as once-not personally, but he knew enough about ice demons to one when he saw him.
There was a horrible shattering sound as the windows exploded, sending shards of glass trough the air. Leo grabbed Melony and sprinted on as shards of glass slit their hands and backs. Melony’s hand slipped from his, but he couldn’t turn back because off the frozen floor. He slipped violently and hit the wall hard. He looked back to see Melony on the floor. There was a rope around her ankle, and the Ice demon held the other end.
As Leo slipped over to her, he saw bood on her ankle. He took out his penknife to cut the rope, terrified it was freezing her blood. He sent a heat wave over his head and the Ice Demon flew metres backwords. As he knelt beside her, Leo saw the rope. But it wasn’t a rope, it was a snake, it’s fangs embedded in her ankle. Horrified, he turned her head, to look into her eyes. They were fozen solid.
Is there a way to fix the paragraphs, aswell? I had them placed neatly, but when it gets posted the paragraphs and indents are messed up. Is there a way to fix this? I want a review, but could you answer thyis as well please.
Best answer:
Answer by Screaming Angel
Its pretty dang good! Keep it up. You’ve put some depth into the character and other surrounding things. Keep it up.
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