Q&A: Verbal? Indirect? Is My Dad Abusing Me and My Sister?

Question by ♥SaRa♥ {Eclipse 6/30/10}: Verbal? Indirect? Is my dad abusing me and my sister?
Is it possible to still be “abused” even if it’s just by the choices your parent makes and the fact that you have to live with them? Or is that called something else? And is verbal really a legitimate form of abuse? I’m not trying to be mean or stupid or anything or to anyone who feels that it is. I’m just curious because I am 14 and I live with my sister and my dad. My mom passed away a few years ago when I was 11. My dad frequently goes off to Vegas for days on end, and doesn’t leave us any money and my sister is 18 and she doesn’t have a car so we have no means to get anywhere because our whole family(both sides) has pretty much lost all contact with him. My dad isn’t in my opinion a really good person. We’re barely making ends meet(seriously, my sister and I give him money all the time to help with the rent and food and stuff). But he has NEVER hit us, and I’m sure he never will, AND he doesn’t have an alchohol problem at all, AND he has a job at a limo company so he isn’t just letting us fend for ourselves. But when he needs money or something, he just goes off and cusses and says horrible things that just don’t make any sense. And he even talks about our mom and says she would be proud of us, all sarcastically. I know life isn’t fair and all that, so this is why I don’t feel compeletely comfortable with myself for writing this because I know some families don’t even have jobs and some even live in their cars. But me and my sister were considering going to my school counselor at the start of next year and talking to her. Do you think I have a real reason to? Tons of parents and families have it hard right now with the economy and the jobs that just got pulled and I just feel like I’m whining. Thanks so much to anyone who answers! 🙂
Our grandparents and my dad had a HUGE fight that went on for about a year after my mom passed away. It was about a lot of things and very complicated, but basically my dad wanted the money from his and our mom’s last house sale before they split up and the grandparents had it because my mom gave it to them about a year before she passed away(about $ 70,000). My dad broke off all contact with them from us and we weren’t allowed to see them, talk to them, anything. But just recently, he has needed more money so he struck a deal with them. I think they give him a couple hundred every month and he allows visitation rights. However, my grandpa may have done things to my mother when she was littler and it just wouldn’t be good to live with them. They live way out in Bakersfield on a big ranch. Wouldn’t work out with school and everything.
To the other question, yes my sister works. She has two jobs at local shops around our apartment.

Thankyou very much for everyone’s input so far!
Forgot to add, I have gotten money from relatives for birthdays and Christmas. And also, about living with relatives, we have. We lived with my dad’s sister for a year. His mom for about six months. We lived with our mom’s mom for about 2 years. We don’t really speak with anyone else because my dad doesn’t like the rest of both sides of the family :/
Dear madi luvs da world,

I got a notification in my email that you responded to my question. It started off with “DEAR SARA, YOU ARE THE CHILD. DO NOT” and then I couldn’t read anymore of it because you know how they cut it off with three little dots to make you go to the website? Well yeah, it didn’t come up obviously on my question so I hope you repost your answer because I’m really curious to see what you wrote! 🙂

Best answer:

Answer by JosiahsMommy
Yes. Talk to your counselor. You could possibly even do it before school starts. give the office a call and see if she’s in and willing to meet with you. Sometimes they will. He is verbally abusing you and leaving for days at a time with no means to get food etc is neglect. You need someone on your side sweetie. Don’t talk yourself out of getting help just because he doesn’t hit you. Verbal abuse is abuse and it can’t be seen on the outside so you have to speak up. You sound smart and sweet. Get help as soon as you can. Don’t worry about other families and their situations. Your dad is crossing the line in at least 2 ways. Speak up and get some help. Good luck.

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