Panic Attacks/derealization Help? Meds?
Ok so I have been diagnosed with panic attacks beginning in August 2007.
I ended up in the ER because they were getting so bad in March 2008. It was getting to the point I couldn’t sleep, work, thought I was going crazy, etc.
My panic attacks come along with that awful derealization [high on acid without hallucinations but VERY strange feeling that brings on panic] feeling that I can’t seem to take anymore.
When I went to the ER, they put me on Xanax at first 0.5 mg 3 times a day. I took a little more than that, because it helped me. I was referred to a MD, who was helpful at first but eventually got sick of me not getting better…..put me on 20 MG Lexapro which was WORSE than any drug that I’ve ever taken, just made me puke all day and no good effects.
Xanax helped, but I ran out. Doc got sick of me and told me to see a psych. Problem. It was $320 to get the INITIAL visit. I’m broke. Couldn’t see him. Went into withdrawals. Went to ER again from withdrawals/panic attack.
They put me on Klonopin [clonazepam] 1 mg. That helped a little. The prescription ran out.
So I’ve been getting meds online. First I was getting the Xanax, then my dad decided the Klonopin was better. Do you build a tolerance to these drugs? [Silly question, I’m sure you do!] I take 4 mg Klonopin a day.
Benzos [and yes, even the “real” ones the doctor prescribed] help me so much, but I just can’t get enough. If I don’t have them, I freak out. I get scared of EVERYTHING, to the point that I feel ……my skeleton is going to jump out of my skin and run down the street. My blood itches and my brain, I just want it to come out of my head so I can beat it with a hammer.
I HATE these feelings. How can I fix this? I’d LOVE to see a psych [someone who could KEEP me on meds, not a therapist] so I can get exactly what I need, but I can’t afford it. Should I just keep upping my doses? I don’t know what to do! One of my pills knocks out my Husband, and my best friend, but for me makes me normal. I can’t even handle iced tea for the caffiene.
I’m the most high strung person I’ve ever met.
Sorry for the long question, but Please help! I have nine pills left and I’m going to be screwed and they are EXPENSIVE online.
What do I do?????
I am trying to get the medical card! [i live in illinois] and when I called the health department they told me they usually only take “mental health emergency cases” like I don’t know what that is, a 5150 suicide or something? I wouldn’t consider my CURRENT mental state an emergency, but when I run out of pills, [the pills THEY STARTED ME ON] i might. Not only do I still get the panic attacks, I get TERRIBLE withdrawals. I don’t want to stop taking the meds, I just want something that will suit me and make me normal! I don’t think I’m a crazy person, I just am extremely 100% anxiety ridden and I wouldn’t even say I was depressed, just high strung and panicky.
James, wow, thank you so much, that really made me think.
The docs SUCK, you know? They don’t CARE! they just want to give you the newest drug on the market [lexapro was the drug of the day when i happened to arrive]
I want to give you best answer but i don’t want to close the question.
Thank you!