Is This a Good Plot for a Novel, What Can I Do to Improve It?
Question by Jessica Hooper: Is This a good plot for a novel, what can i do to improve it?
Jessie-
Age: 16
Hair: Blonde, goes down about an inch past neck
Eyes: Blue
Height: Average
Weight: Skinny
Personality: Shy, “Unusual”, strange, smart (but doesn’t show it), quiet, and mysterious.
Pros: Sneaky, clever, can take a lot of pain (high tolerance), and mature.
Cons: Bad socializing, seen as a low-life and easily surprised.
Jessie is being abused by his father and is being made to work in an underground club where he is forced to be a cross dressing maid like waiter (or waitres). Jessie stays late after his shift to help clean up the club only to see his co-workers being injected by the head “master” with a wierd red liquid in once of the rooms. Curious he quietly stands at the door only to see his co-workers fall to the ground in pain and die. He screams and gets seen by the head “master”. Jessie runs out and back to his apartment where his father beats him. He goes up to bed and lies down only to feel a breeze coming from an opened window he never opened. The head “Master” Is there with another syringe, the master pins him against the wall and injects him. The master expects him to fall to the ground in pain then die. However Jessie falls to the ground but he doesn’t die. Jessie suddenly feels like something like adreniline tainting his blood and running through his body. He is able to pin the master to the ground and stab him muiltiple times with the syringe before coming down from his “high”. Jessie realizes what he has done and climbs put the window and down the ladder, before, he grabs his bag which he packed ever in case he had to leave the house because of his father. Jessie throws on a black trench coat, and tight black jeans, his shirt is black and he puts on a black hat and heads to beind one of the shops to sleep. The next day he goes into the shop to see the news. The murder is being broadcasted all over the media. Pictures of him are being splattered on light posts and milk cartons. He decides if he is going to make it with out being caught he has to change his apperence. He slips a pair of scissors, red hair dye, and black sunglasses into his pocket off one of the racks of the store and runs out. He goes into a rest area at a park and goes into the restroom. He looks in the mirror and cuts his hair. Then dies the tips red using the sink. He goes into his duffel bag and sees what he has inside of it: 50$ , more clothes, a knife, and a sword-like weapon. He sits up on the counter, his back leaning against the mirror and his legs pulled up to his chest. He thinks over everything before deciding on what he has to do. His boss had to have gotten the drug somewhere. All he knew was that his boss was part of an illegal group call the “Blood Skulls”. He wondered if his boss got the drug from there. After thinking about he, he decides he has to find out where the group hangs out and how to get information from them. But first, he knows he has to change his attitude. No more being the shy quite little boy. He starts by praticing stealing from people, then he goes into a store and threatens everyone in it, he takes more money. Afterwards he goes to one of his co-workers apartment. The man in it isn’t just any co-worker, he risked his own life to save Jessie’s when an intoxicated man tried to kill him. The man’s name is Elliot (which Jessie knew was just the name on his fake I.D). Elliot told him that he heard about what happened with the boss on the news and already knew that he would come over to his apartment. Elliot has connections with other underground groups, including the Blood Skulls. Although Elliot is not a member he agrees to introduce Jessie to the group. Jessie tells him he doesn’t want to join the group, he wants to kill the Head leader. Elliot thinks it over before telling Jessie that he will get his group “The Pythons” to help raid the groups “lair”. Jessie thanks him and sits down while Elliot calsl up the memebers in his group. Then Elliot takes him to an alley a few blocks over where Jessie is then introduced to everyone in the group (I will build their character profiles later). They raid the group the next day and Jessie usues his Sword to kill many of the others members before taking the head one. He then takes the man into an abandoned warehouse to question him. He is astounded when he finds out the head got the drug from…
What do you think? Don’t expect a lot from me, I know the plot is mature but i’m only 13…. so yeah. But even though i might be young i want criticism. No, this is not the whole plot (obviously) I am going to think about a really “hooking” idea for how the leader got the drug, and what the drug does.
Please comment, whether it is compliments or criticism.
Thanks Paige!!!! I really appreciated your comment!!! I most likely am not going to use Quotations, most likely i will give a slight description of why they are called that instead!!
Best answer:
Answer by Paige
I don’t think there is much to criticize about. It’s good. Suspense-filled (to me). It’s well written. But, the thing that bothers me is if you’re going to use the quotations in your story on master, high, Blood Skulls, The Pythons, and lair.
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