I’m So Sick of Being 15…What’s Wrong With Me?

Question by Nathalie: I’m so sick of being 15…What’s wrong with me?
This is going to be long, but I don’t care.
I also posted this twice, once in Psychology, once in Adolescence.

I had two periods of time that were complicated for me so far:
11 and 15 (currently).

At 11, I was really self-conscious. I was really skinny, and as I write this, I realize I probably had borderline anorexia. I saw myself twice as big as I really was, and didn’t eat a lot. This probably was due to my parents’ divorce, my dad’s secret relationship with a new woman, the fact that my class in the public school I started going to was out of control. I was shy, quiet, and tried hiding myself in the biggest possible sweaters I could find. I felt like dying.

Luckily, I switched school in grade 7, and started making new friends and developing some self-confidence. I had no problems until I got to grade 9, in September. My good friends from the previous years have become obsessed with drugs, sex and alcohol, and are trying to rebel against the whole entire world. Remember that movie Thirteen? She practically sacrifices herself to be popular. That was kind of like me at the beginning of the year, but I soon found out it just wasn’t…me. Right now I’m watching people ruin their lives but I can’t do anything about it because I know they won’t listen to me.

When I was 8, I remember thinking 15 would be the coolest age of my life, but now I have a sudden urge to make three years seem like three days and just fast-forward to being 18. It feels like there are no problems when I’m in college and university, at least not socially. I see students in their early twenties every day and they just seem so much more interesting than these uncultured high school kids.

me: “Have you heard of Glenn Gould?”
kid: “WTF, nerd. -snorts cocaine-”
vs.
me: “Do you like Glenn Gould?”
student: “I do, but I’m afraid I must admit that I prefer Alfred Brendel, artistically.”
me: “Oh, Alfred Brendel! Yes, I know him. He’s a dear friend of my mother’s.”
student: “-impressed- *conversation continues*”

I do okay in school, but I’m not skip-a-grade material. I get mostly Bs, some Cs, and the occasional A. If I were really into music I’d go to the conservatory and get my own apartment shortly thereafter… But it’s not something I’d want to pursue professionally.

And I guess hanging out with university students seems like a cool idea, but I don’t think they’d accept me, not at my age. It’s like I don’t fit in anywhere, even though I’m supposed to.

UGH! I am so frustrated.

What is this? Did anyone else have this at my age? How can I make it seem like time goes faster without losing myself in the process?

Best answer:

Answer by Christina
go have sex

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