If a Friend Is Being Selfish and Not Supportive, Is It Time to Say “bye”?

Question by Princess Jasmine: If a friend is being selfish and not supportive, is it time to say “bye”?
I’ve known my friend almost 10 years – she’s not someone to be close with bc she’s very manipulative, selfish, and likes to talk alot. She lacks substance is can be very sneaky/start drama when she’s bored. At almost 30, she has not changed and she’s still very spoiled/entitled. I think I stayed friends with her all these years bc I’m cool with her family (extended too), she is fun (on a superficial level), and it is nice – if you keep her at an arm’s length. The unexpected happened – her family member and myself fell in love and we’re very serious about each other. You would think (being a close friend and that her family is involved) she would be happy but from day one, she’s been very hateful. get that people have their opinions but her energy is unnecessary. She’s been nothing but negative. She instigates alot of unnecessary drama, “assuming” that there’s something wrong and will make a volcano out of a molehill, use emotional manipulation “oh, he left you to go to the store. How do you feel about that?”. She claims she always sees me frowning and that I used to be someone who smiled all the time but she tends to ignore or roll her eyes when she does see me smiling/happy/laughing. If I would be frowning, instead of being concerned with “what’s wrong”, she’d smile with this look and say, “what happened?” At times when I say everything’s okay, she wouldn’t let it go and push to find something wrong. She’ll find something negative about him and dwell on it to get me angry. For the record – he’s never been abusive in any way nor are there “signs”. I thought that she was possibly wanting “friend” time so I made an effort to hang out with her. I actually saw/hung out with her more compared to when I was single. When our mutual friends felt tension and awkward about being happy for me and asking her how she felt, you know something’s wrong.

We’ve been putting up with it until recently and we called her out on it. She’s busy as it is being a newlywed and has babies under 2 years old…not sure how she has the time to even THINK about this really. My bf called her out and said, “leave us alone. Mind your own business.” I talked to her about it on my own after and she just denied, backtracked, lied and had the nerve to say that I was the one that put her under the bus. No wasting my energy on “convincing” her nor do I need to so I just made sure we were okay. Since then, she’s been childish by acting passive-agressive. The bf and I went to visit her and the new baby and she gave us the nastiest attitude. Since then we made a conscious effort to stay away from her. It actually made our relationship much better – like the toxic energy disappeared. I feel like that made things worse bc it’s like she’d rather have some sort of attention (even negative) so she can have something to do/complain about. We’re civil with her but she either ignores/gives us attitude or acts like an awkward teenager. I kept figuring out why. If a friend was really happy for you, she’d set aside biases and support you. Bf figured it out & made sense and said, “Actions speak louder than words and there’s no doubt she hates us together. Because I’m younger than her, she never saw me as an equal. Older = better in the family so in her head, she’s wondering why her friend – her equal is dating someone who isn’t “equal”, somebody 2 years younger. She’s pissed because she’s not getting her way. She’s the friend who uses friends – wants to gain benefits from them and because you’re not as available, she resents me for ‘taking you’. You’re not her doormat, you’ve been nothing but a good friend and when she’s losing all her friends – including you, she’s got no one to be her lacky, in her mind. Because she’s spoiled, she’s mad bc she’s not getting what she wants now.” It makes sense and I don’t want to be friends or associated w. someone like that. How do I continue this and is it appropriate I heal and say “goodbye” to this “friendship”?

Best answer:

Answer by Skitzo
Tell her this bothers you if she doesn’t care it’s time to say bye. Friends come & go don’t get too attached

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