I Need Ratings, Comments, Pointers on This Short Story Please ? (:?

Question by angel~: I need ratings, comments, pointers on this short story please ? (:?
step – step – back
step – step – back
step – step – back

I repeat these words over and over in my head as I walk the dangerous trail of night. Every little sound makes me cringe, paranoia, but I’m just along for the thrill. I cross over the narrow hill, knowing a couple steps either way could lead to a dark fate. On the right side, a steep hill. Big rock, with water endlessly flowing out of it. On the left side, darkness. I see…darkness. But knowing what really laid on that side, I stayed in the center. “Almost across.” I thought to myself, trying to ignore the leaves behind me crunching with intensity.

step – step – back
step – step – back
step – step – back

I know these words by heart now. One step, two steps, look back. My heart was pounding, not because of the paranoia. No, I had overcome that. It was the thrill. I started gaining courage. Getting more courage by the second, I started shuffling sides. Some would say I had almost, too, much courage. With each step I got closer and closer to the edge. Not a bit of paranoia was left in me. No, I was fearless now. But this became a problem, quickly. The more courage I gained, the closer I got, the steeper the hill. The bigger the thrill, knowing, that tragedy lied just ahead. Regardless, I kept going. It was time to face it. One more step in either direction, and that could be my last.

step – step – back
step – step – back
step – step – …
Now there’s no turning back.

Hey guys, I’m a bit rusty, and I’m not one to usually write short stories. So any pointers, comments, or feedback you can give would be great! Thanks.

-Angel

Best answer:

Answer by Jenny A.
You keep repeeating the phrase: Paranoia-find another word for it. The “thrill” – what is it? decribe what you feel to the reader. Overall, good, well polished and written. 7/10 for originality, 7/1- for the setting, 8/10 for written work. overall, 17/20. Well done! 🙂 I usually rate 6,5,4! 🙂 It was great to read something original on YA for once. 🙂

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