I Just Started Abilify 2 Days Ago. Is My Reaction Normal?
I was diagnosed as bipolar (type 1). I was suicidal and totally and utterly miserable. I couldn’t even watch TV and relax at home. I had no concentration or motivation. Even laying on the couch was difficult. It was like being the walking dead. I was a tortured soul and in deep emotional pain.
All this happened one month ago when I went off Effexor. I knew that Effexor, which I had been on for ten years, had been the wrong drug for me. My psychiatrist confirmed it, saying that you never give anti-depressants to people with bipolar. No wonder I was going home and smoking 420 in order to bring myself down.
So two days ago, in the depths of suicidal despair, I started Abilify, taking 10mgs right before bed as instructed. For both of the last two nights, I had very restless sleep, if you can call it “sleep.” You know, tossing and turning all night, irritated, unable to lay still. I woke up drowsy and feeling drugged. Plus I have dull pain in my right side, which makes me think this drug is stressing my liver, as many of these drugs are known to do.
That and these other side effects scare me, but my doctor says that these “atypical” anti-psychotics are much better than the old ones and that I have to weigh the option of living as a tortured soul, which is exactly what I was without any medicine. It was like being in a 24-hour state of irritation. It was hell.
Now here’s the problem. For the last two mornings, after pulling myself out of bed and taking a shower, I buy a large iced tea. The caffeine IMMEDIATELY removes the “cloud” over me. And guess what? I feel much much better! I don’t want to commit suicide anymore! It’s like the air has been let out of the balloon, so to speak. I feel normal and can do my work. Not perfect, but totally better than when I wasn’t on any meds. There is no comparison.
My father’s side of the family had a history of mental illness. Years ago, one of his brothers was found dead in a motel room with empty liquor bottles on the floor. Another brother, still living, has been on disability for forty years. My two brothers are also on anti-psychotics, and they need to be.
The question is, what do I do? I feel better on Abilify after the feeling of waking up drugged wears off, but I can’t take the restless sleep and grogginess in the morning. My psychiatrist says that my body is “adjusting” to the medicine. Will this go away? I’m not sure I want my body to adjust to any kind of medicine which causes such a reaction! Any advice would be appreciated, especially from people who have been on Abilify and have experienced this.