Guide to Modern Britain

Published May 16, 2010

A GUIDE TO MORDERN DAY BRITAIN.

2009, The year this is being written ,although the year is irrelevent as not much has actualy changed , perhaps fashion and music but the idealistic views of the
Bristish people have always remained the same, Get up early , work hard , come home and get drunk. Maybe not everyone shares the same views but all and
all the idea is pretty much the same.

The Bristish people are never happy unless they are complaining about some irrelevant social crisis attacking our grey water soacked streets.
Nowadays we hear of nothing else exept the youth carrying bladed weapons like some kind of hooded samurai ninja troop slithering our street
in search of the most vurnarable people around.
Imagine, an entire nation of moralless bastar*s. Our politicians the f*cking nazi weasels steal as much from the average Bristish taxpayer
as your normal god fearing junkie. Our young women are apperantly all sluts , now dont judge me on saying that as you may have observed that the majority
are pregnant. Young men joining gangs , old men complaining about some bullsh*t that none of us can make sense of as they are always drunk, Im possitive
theyre saying something important , perhaps they can see the future and are warning us about some kind of massive uprising of mutants in the sewer system
but of course we will never know.

Now the influx of drugs is apperently a massive social ass rape to the people of the united kingdom. Now some drugs i can understand such close mindedness,perhaps herion or crystal meth , but the constant complaining of marijuana doesnt make a lick of sense,These stoners lie around talking
complete and utter sh*t for hours not hurting a soul.Should it be legalized ?. Well its not up too me but in my opinian it doesnt make a difference
the bast*rds at the houses of parliment wil only go about outlawing some other thing that could maybe ..just maybe put a smile on our faces.

Ive just realized ive covered pretty much everything, this does not bode well, writing a book is alot harder than i thought. But i wont give up
its ok reader wipe the trickling drop of sweat from your brow there will be more pointless rambling and perhaps an answer to all our problems..
wait and see because even i dont know where this is going anymore. I feel like an eskimo tring to attach a solar powered reciever to an iglu.

Well I lost my job on sunday , now perhaps its my fault or perhaps the f*ckers in that souless building had it in for me. But it doesnt matter
Instead of of being a boring f*cking b*stard i went to a beach. Great fun by the way you should try it. Very rarely do we get good weather so we should
take advantage of such a blessing from the sky it almost seems un british to work at a time like that.But as ive been lead to believe that only my opinion.

Now the only place of solice any of us can hope to stumble into is indeed the pub. What an idea Lots of drink , women and drunk women. But yet again
the goverment got us. They royaly f*cked every hedonist such as myself. The prices yet again are going up and up until only they can afford to get
the drink and drugs and really really steaming girls to themselves. Thats right you scurvy sheister b*stards im on to you. Those are our places back the f*ck
off.

Now i may be a deeply pessimistic person but atleast i can look on the bright side.

So were both on the same page this book is the most fact based and least accurate account of britian. Then again i dont see you writing a book so cut me some slack.

Many experiences ive had on the streets of this country. Many unexplainable, and far too many resulting in not remebering a f*cking thing in the morning
But of course that also has its good side, my constant hassling of women and my unsatiable need for alchahol and tobacco lead to many embarassing moments which go best forgotted at least by me. The police of course always write down the name at the end of the night. Well my alter ego,Terry Blake
My alias for meeting women and working up a massive tab in a bar and running like a cheetah being chased by a hungry gordon brown.
The weekend of the British people at least the hard working or those of us who have chosen benifits are always the same. We go out wearing clothes we think make us cool as f*ck , consume vast quantities of alchohol and try find a women slighty drunker than we are. Or the alternative , find at least one well liked person and hook to them like fish under a shark looking for some partys in an attempt to meet women or even if your one of the lucky ones consume all the alchohol and drugs and even there ciggerettes before they catch your name, just enough time to run out the door in a fit of giggles at your small victory.

Now today i have an appointment , After loosing my job i must yet again sign on to recieve job seekers allowance.As Soon as you walk in the door you instantly realize that these people are the enemy, they want nothing more than to see you out on the streets without a penny to your name. It took me a few trips to realize the extent of contempt these people have with us , the unfortunate indiviaduals who either dont want a job,cant find a job or the unluckiest ones such as myself who cant seem to keep a job longer than a few weeks. The b*stards in there watch your every move like trainee psychological profilers on some strange acid trip, the way the take every word you say as a lie as if the paranoia stage has slowly crept into there ugly psyche’s. But then again another theory that recently hit me was what if they were being such horrible f*ckers because they knew you wouldnt want to go back , using reverse psychology to make you get a job.

There is mass unemployment there can be no hiding that anymore.But thank god that every other country is suffering aswell , atleast that way we can try and avoid blame and pass the buck to a more likely culprit.
But that is unfortunaly the least of our troubles, we are at WAR. Never will we see peace in our short panic fuelled lives. Maybe this is a drunk ,paraniod and perhaps utterly ridicuolas statement but i find it highly conveiniant that in a time where we need as many troops as possible theres suddenly a reccesion forcing young men to sign there lives away and join the army. If thats the case were all acting like midgets in costumes taking the place of an ill monkey in some weird animal circus show. Now war is something ive never really understood , is it really for oil or some christian jihaad againts what we call terror? Or are countrys such as britain and america just stepping in showing our power to the smaller and strangely hotter and sandier countrys?. Why cant everyone get along? Well its not our fault, dont feel bad reader no one is blaming you. Its yet again the politicains getting greedier and greedier. Maybe gimp costumes are becoming very scarce through lack of demand and the s*it faced racoon rapers at parliment are having to pay ridicoulus prices to carry out there incrediably depraved sex games. One day us the british people, will catch you doing it , and ooooohhh you will be so emmbarased. Infact reader i can guerentee you it will be funnier to watch than a white women with terrible tourettes walking through certain areas of south africa. Not that im racist of course but the men there will probably beat her into submission and gang f*ck her. Infact now that i think of it thats maybe a little funnier than the parliment sex thing i was talking about a minute ago.

To come to a conclussion like many hippies at the end of the sixties famously said ” We F*cked It” Any Chance of a peacfull existance is over. What can we do you ask? Well There isnt much.
but im going to carry on with my idea. Drink that much alchohol you no longer care. Not in any kind of depressed or pessimistic way, but in a cheer fuelled binge. I know it annoys the big man at downing street and i know they want us to stop. But if we pi*s them of enough maybe they will….f*ck off and maybe even..join us .

Born and raised in scotland , thought i would give this a try , shit whats the worse that could happen?

Guide to Modern Britain

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