Does My Childrens Short Story Sound Any Good?
Question by Kingc 2: Does my childrens short story sound any good?
“My Friend Stan, Who’s My Severed Hand”
My name’s Billy, I’m five years old and live in shiny combs trailer park. It’s nice! We have a 6 inch T.V and lab in the living room! These men in blue keep on taking it away though, along with my mommy. They say it’s a “meth lab.” What is meth anyways? But we got a new one recently! My mom is so funny, she always lays on the floor after putting a needle in her arm. My brother is the best brother in the world! He always cuts his wrist with this silver pointy thing, I think he said it was called a “Knife.” Whatever that means. But sometimes he plays hide and seek with me while he’s with his girlfriend, he shoves me in our car with the doors locked and windows rolled up. It gets really hot, but hey no pain no game!
I’m going to school today! It’s the best! Theres brown colored rafter and pillars. My teachers are great too! But mister Armstrong is always smoking and going in the closet with misses Valentine. I got out of my seat to play with a broken window. But i let go to fast and my hand got cut off by the glass, it hurt a lot! But it my severed hand got up and started talking! He said “Hey there kid, my name is Stan! Your magical talking severed hand!” I said back “Wow, my name is Billy!” ” Hey there Billy! We are gonna have a super time. But first I need other human body parts, and your gonna get them for me!” He said. “Okay, where do I get them?” “Just follow me!” he said back.
“You see that janitor there?” asked Stan. “Yeah, why?” “I asked “Get his arms and legs!” He said. “Okay…” So i took the knife Stan gave me. “Hey Billy how you doing? Wait… What are you doing with that knife!? Wait. No,no,no!” I than started hacking up the janitor. “Yes,yes, these parts will do nicely! Now all I need is a torso and head and I will be a true person! About you go and get your teachers parts.” Stan said. “Okay, but Stan when can I stop?” I asked. “Never, you’re my friend forever remember?” “Yeah…” I said back.
(10 hours later…) “Okay I got them…” I said. “Finally I am human! Now lets go to Your house.” We went to my house but something really bad happened. “I like your brother’s eyes, get them for me.” “No, I’m tired of this!” I took our lab cart and shoved it into him and and lit a match. (I knew this because last time mommy did a eight ball near it it exploded)! Than stan went on fire. “Ahhh… something harmful my only weakness. How did you know?” And me and my family lived happily ever after.
“And that is my essay on what I did this summer. Did I pass mister Armstrong?” Said Billy, Mister Armstrong replied “No…”
This was a dark mocking of children’s stories (obviously). Also I am 15 so there might be punctuation and grammar mistakes (also because it’s a first draft.)Thank you for reading and also if you can give a score (1-10) and give a reason behind the score. That would be helpful. Thank you once again.
@miss cutie: lol, that’s the joke. It’s suppose to read like a childrens book but is not meant for them. You ever read creepy susie? It’s sort of like that.
It is supposed to read like a childrens book. That is why I put so many exclamation points because he is supposed to sound happy and cheerful all the time (like in a kids book). But eveyother thing around him is dark and filthy. It’s more of a dark comedy than anything. But thanks for your opinion! (No, I did it again) XD
@L- I didn’t think you were being a jerk you were just giving your honest opinion. I just answered the exclamation point thing because that is why i did it. But everythin else is fair game 🙂
Best answer:
Answer by Rachel Montgomery
i liked it, im 15 too
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