Dealing With an Abusive Mentally Ill Mother?
Question by herbalspliff24: dealing with an abusive mentally Ill Mother?
I am almost 29 years old and I have been dealing with my mother who is mentally ill and psychologically abusive. She always yells at me, she is cruel, she is crazy jealous when I talk to my aunt thinking she is taking over as my mom. And all my life my family used me as a scape goat and never believed the treatment i recieved until recently. they told me my mom says bad things about me and they believed her because she is nice when she is well they say. That hurts 🙁 My mother used to sexually abuse me as a child and when I grew up she knew she copuldnt get away with it any more and would verbally sexually harass me and now she stopped that a cpl yrs ago when I told her I wouldn’t tolerate it. Unfortunately my family will not hear about the sexual abuse, they choose not to believe me. The relationship between my mother and I is back and forth. My mom treats me terribly, then she will call me back all normal and try and offer me things. If I don’t accept gifts from her she says I am threatening her when i refuse to take her money, gifts etc. My family is of no help they don’t do anything and often take her side. Only recently after 28 years now they tell me I may be right about her because she isn starting to target them now. They have always had bad experienced with her illness so I don’t know why it took so long for them to realise how she is. But they all treat me like crap still to this day, they always have excuses for everything and have used me as a scape goat since childhood, blaming me for everything. My mom is like a bad crack addiction, I want to quit but I keep going back for more so to speak. I feel because she is my mother I should stick through this, but the abuse is very bad and she tends to act alot worse towards me when no family is around to witness it. any advice on what to do. My mother is causing too much stress for me and she knows I need money right now so she constantly tried to give me money but there is a price to pay. I refused this time and she is angry and says I threatened her when I only told her I want to fend for my self. My mom never paid for my education only hers at 50 lol. She will give me money for a huge big screen tv that would cost the same ammount of money tuition for college would cost, yet she refused to fund school. My mother wants me to rely and depend on her in a sick way. She doesn’t want to see me get ahead in life, she always competes with me it’s sickning. She can’t handle it when I get better jobs etc because she can’t due to her illness. I just feel so guilty to leave her and I don’t know how. When my ex girlfriend and I were together my mom seemed jealous in asick way she even constantly followed her into the shower always talking about her looks, boobs etc. and one time she tried to jump into bed with my g/f and i and she asked for a 3sum gross!. It was embarassing and sick!. she tried to say she was joking and she got angry when i told her off because she gets mad when she knows she did wrong or feels guilty. But everyone in my family says I am bad etc. and I have not done anything. Please help!. If I ditch my mother i will have nobody just my one friend and my dog. My wife left recently as well due to everything.
problem is my mom never voluntarily goes to the Mental Institution when sick. She either has to be forced by police or she ends up there on her own, some times beaten with blk eyes etc, it’s heart breaking to see your 50 y/o mother like this but theres not much I can do and the family always takes off when she’s ill. My mother constatly discharges her self from the hospital and there is no law to prevent her from doing so. She discharged her self two weeks ago and she is still very ill. I can’t take her to any dr’s she will freak out on me.
Best answer:
Answer by lil bit
I feel for you. I have an emotionlly abusive mom too. It isn’t fun – and yes, the family seems to ignore it. I am somewhat of the scapegoat too.
I choose to distance myself from my mom. I love her – but that doesn’t mean I have to like her. I remind myself she is sick and pray for her. I wave to her fom a distance. I choose when to call her – if she pulls her shenanigans, I ralize she is sick and tactfully end the conversation. I limit the amount of time that I spend with her….have an “escape plan.” I talk with a counselor and/or trusted friend for reality check and support.
About the family…..my brothers aren’t like this, but they seem to have blinders on most of the time…..like have no clue that my mom is sick. I don’t see my brothers that much do to distance – but when I do – remain friendly and kind.
I would suggest that you get some therapy for support and tips and distance yourself big time from your family. You deserve proper treatment and it sounds like you will not get it there. Just start not being around them as much gradually….you don’t have to tell them anything.
Pray for them everyday….even if you don’t want too. Keep talking about it and reaching out for help.
And it is ok to make a new family. I will talk to mother/father like figures.
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