Preacher Husband Looking at Porn? ?
Question by question2661: Preacher Husband looking at porn? ?
I’m a newlywed, My husband and I have been together total for just over a year now, and have been married for 6 months of that time. He’s my everything and treats me like I’m the queen of the world. I do however have one issue, it is about porn. Now, just to set a few things straight, I don’t believe its ok, and I’ve read some similar posts and some answers were like well, would you rather him looking at porn, or going to pick up a chick? I would appreciate not getting these responses because honestly, neither one is acceptable to me. So that kind of answer is irrelavant.
Here’s the deal. We’re both Christians, he’s in a christian music ministry, and completely devoted.
I was in bed one night and he was up looking for videos on youtube of a band he used to play in. I verified this, because I checked all of the history, and I being a computer geek, and knowing computers inside out, still found the history of everything that was done even though he had erased the “browser history”. Anyhow, on the videos that came up in the “related videos” was a man “lotioning up” a playboy girl…He says he wanted to check it out to see why it was related to the band’s videos, and this I do believe. You’d just have to know my pc illiterate naive little husband. The problem is after he watched it and realized that it had nothing to do with the band, he got the girl’s name off the video and looked up more videos with her. The next morning, I had no intentions of spying on him, because I’d never have believed he’d have done anything like this in the first place, but I was looking for something else, and came across the history of these videos and ask him about them. He lied to me. The first time in our relationship that he’s lied to me. I knew it immediately, because he and I are the only ones with access to this pc, and I most certainly hadn’t searched for and watched the videos. This was on a Sunday morning and suddenly I didn’t feel like going to church with him, after I realized that he’d done this and then lied to me. (background info: he at one time in the past, NOT during our relationship but while he was single had a problem with porn, but he has told me on numerous occasions how he had felt so convicted about it and prayed for God to help him out of this “addiction” and shortly there after we started going out, so he’s always told me I was his “answer”. ) So anyways, when he gets home from church, he breaks down and admits that it was him, and that he lied to me. He said that all through church he couldn’t quit thinking about it and felt so terrible for doing that, and then lying, because NEVER lying to me was always something he had been proud of.
A while back we had actually discussed porn, and how it was completely against everything the bible stood for, and how hypocritical it was to be in church and watch these types of things, and I even mentioned to him how degrading it was, and how much it destroyed the woman. Thats one of my biggest problems in this whole situation.
Now that you know all the history, heres why I’m here. I know what he done was wrong, and I know that he is truly sorry. He has definitely made up for it over and over again. But, in my own mind I still can’t get over it. I know I need to forgive him and move on, and I try not to bring it up to him, but its completely destroyed my self image. The fact that he talks about how nasty girls are that would do anything like that, and he would still look at those girls when I was laying in the next room. It’s given me some trust issues with him too. I’ve always had trust issues with everyone, but not him, because he has completely proven to me that I could trust him, until this incident. I know he’s a man and he’s human, so I’m not so much mad at him, as I’m just taking it out on myself. It’s left me with this feeling of not being good enough to keep him happy, and when we make love now, I can’t help but wonder if he’d rather be with one of those girls. I cry when he’s not around from thinking about it. I don’t feel pretty anymore, because if I were pretty enough he’d be able to get all that he needs from me. The worst part is that I don’t eat anymore, and I’ve even started doing the stupid things like throwing up after I HAVE to eat. I can feel myself becoming more and more unattractive as I eat, and every time I do eat, I just remember how much prettier those women are than myself. Now I’m just 21, I’ve played sports my whole life, and I’ve always been in good shape, though I have in the last year or 2 gained some weight, but I never felt ugly, not like I do now. He’s 35, and I try so hard to be perfect for him. I guess I just feel like this has shown me that I’m not, and I cant stand the fact that I can’t be good enough for him. We even discussed the whole Biblical standpoint on whether it was cheating or not. Jesus says that who so ever shall look upon another woman and lust after her has committed adultery already in his heart. Now I’m not
Thank you all for taking the time to hear my problem and offer your own advice. I greatly appreciate it. When we did discuss it, I don’t know if I put in here that he done the whole “promising never to do it again”. So, as for now, I’ve not seen that its happened anymore, so I don’t THINK there will be any future reassurances, my only real problem is just getting over this one. Accepting myself now that its done and trusting him again.
Once again thanks for your time.
Ok, I love him more than anyhing in this world, and no I’m not saying that over one incident would I leave him, but, as a respone to people saying he needs 2 hide things from me or its better that its porn than another person, I’m afraid you’re wrong because its my house too, and in a marriage there is no privacy, thats only when there is something to hide, just as in this situation. Thus I don’t go along with “privacy” b/w spouses, I love him, but I do demand more respect than to be disrespected in my own house, he married me, and those vows are important to me, and no man will treat me in a way that is disrespectul and hurtful. I’ve done alot of thinking, and I don’t believe it will happen again, but if “privacy” enters in to our marriage, all I can say is “I was looking when I found him”…
Best answer:
Answer by just say it
I don’t care whether you want to hear it or not. Men look at porn. Period. They are visual creatures by nature. Period. You can go on and on all day long about the bible and whatever other rhetoric and he will still look at porn. Hopefully, he’ll just get better at hiding it from you. I guess in your house it will “what I don’t know won’t hurt me.” Good luck with that.
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