Thoughts on Daily Ideations?
Question by DW: Thoughts on Daily Ideations?
Some days are better, some are worse. Today just seems to be one of the worse days – where the thoughts of ending my life come at me ceaselessly. The thoughts never go away, they just vary in intensity.
I know I’m depressed. What’s more is that I believe I deserve to be here.
I had an addiction – for which I’m in recovery and in support groups. My addiction cost me my marriage to the woman I can’t even express how I cared for – but not as much as my addiction. I made choices that led me to doing things that I consider reprehensible and loathsome, at best.
Every day, I punish myself for the things I did and couldn’t stop doing. I punish myself even more that I hurt the person I cared for most in this world and that I destroyed an amazing marriage to an incredible woman.
I don’t tell any of my groups or friends anything about this – I hate the shifting blame/’martyr’ syndrome of recovery; “poor me, I was an addict and have to suffer the consequences.”
Any thoughts?
Best answer:
Answer by FRUSTRATED
You sound like you already have some resources in the sense of groups, but I think you need some specific help with your depression. Look for a therapist with a specialty in addiction issues. It’s true that you will have to live with the consequences of your past, but you’d be surprised how much it could help to have someone to help you figure out how to adapt and cope with those consequences. It isn’t self-indulgent whining any more than going to a doctor when you have strep throat. Get the help you need, stay sober, and hang in there!
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