How Should I Handle This With My Sons…visits With Thier Dad.?

Question by Wild Young Heart: How should I handle this with my sons…visits with thier dad.?
My ex has not seen or even spoken to our sons for a year due to his being arrested and convicted of drug charges and endangering his children. He served 6 months in a drug treatment facility. However, he was free to contact them, send cards or whatever. He never did. His excuse is that there was a “no contact order” with me, but that did not include the kids. There was no visitation ever ordered, before his arrest, he basically got them whenever he wanted, but also was famous for cancelling at the last minute as well. He never paid child support until a month ago, now he pays regularly because his drivers license was suspended and he also now has a decent job and can pay. Because he is bieng made to pay support, he feels entitled to see his kids, who he emotionally, verbally and physically abused for most of thier lives with him. The kids are ages 16, 13, and 8. We went into court and the magistrate ordered that he get 1 hour per week of supervised visitation at a facility in our area at HIS cost. (- per hour, sliding fee scale.) Also, she ordered that he pay for family counseling with the boys to try and work through thier problems, once again, HIS expense. My oldest son is not required to go, nor does he even want to, even though I asked him to go just once to see what his dad has to say. He refuses saying “He has called me ‘stupid and braindead’ for the last time in my life. I’m done with him.” This is true and I cannot blame the kid for not wanting to see the man. Problem is, the other 2 have NO choice, the have to go. I now have an 8 year old who is upset and cries over nothing because he is nervous, and my 13 year old hates his dad and is angry at having to go see him, even for just one hour and some counseling. I feel like taking them to a child therapist myself, separate from the court ordered one,just so they can get out some of this anger. I know he does not truly care for the boys, he is only doing this because we have come so far without him and he just wants his presence known. We have to do this until February at the most until it is reevaluated. If these visits go poorly, will the court make them continue, or can we have them stopped? For the record, I am remarried, and we have a stable and loving home and that is something they never had with their dad. Do you think the magistrate may see right through him and is just giving him time to hang himself?

Best answer:

Answer by Pretty In Punk
theyre giving him a trial period basically.
if come February the kids are still miserable and the father still hasnt changed the court will make a new decision about about visitation if any at all.
It sucks that the kids have to go because of their age I think it should be based on whether or not they feel comfortable.
You should keep a journal of the kids feelings before and after they visit with their father and then present it next time you go to court about visitation.

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