Can You Help Me Edit My Paper ?

Published May 26, 2010

Could you tell me what lines are unneccessary and that I could possibly get rid of?

This story begins in 1993, in Sierra Leone. Ishmael, his older brother Junior, and a friend set out fromm home to enter a talent show in a village sixteen miles away, Mattru Jong. These boys may not have TV’s, but they had a strong passion for hip-hop and dancing. When they arrive, the boys learn that rebel soldiers, have attacked their home village, and are now headed in their direction. Being young and uncertain what to do, they flee into the forest. They were confronted with terrible scenes of brutality and that is when the full force of the war hit Ishmael. Still reeling with confusion and horror, Ishmael and his friends try to pass time by memorizing more hip-hop. It helps, but Ishmael is still on the verge of starvation and exhaustion, the hope that their families are safe keeps the group from giving up. While one day searching for food, Ishmael comes across friends from school. So , he joins them. Soon later, Ishmael receives the news that his family is safe and in a nearby village over the next hill. When he arrives at the village his family is supposed to be at, they see fires raging through the village and they hear gunshots followed by screams. He is angry to have to know, that his family did not survive. Ishmael is still determined to fight for his life, so they seek safety in Yele. One day, Lieutenant Jabati lines up all the boys and announces that the boys will begin training, and fight in the war. The ages ranged from 7-17. Ishmael’s first battle began, and he watched many of his friends die. Ishmael soon becomes addicted to the special cocaine and gunpowder mix, along with killing the people that have killed his family. Ishmael writes, “My squad was my family, my gun was my provider and protector, and my rule was to kill or be killed.” Ishmael one day was misled into an army truck that separated him and his friends to a rehabilitation center. He was put with other rebel soldiers, and Ishmael had a deadly fight. Thus, he was sent to a new rehabilitation center that treated him much better. Ishmael makes great progress. He begins writing music again, and puts on shows for the rest of the boys at the center. The program locates Ishmael’s uncle, and finally, after many months, the staff allows him to leave the center to join his uncle’s family. After speaking in New York about his hometown issues, he returns back home. Yet again, he hears a gunshot and figures he must return to New York, or else he will be in danger of having to rejoin the war. Ishmael leaves Freetown in October 1997, telling only his friend Mohamed from the rehabilitation center, that he is going. To get to the United States, he must make it across the border to Guinea. The bus ride is long and dangerous, but Ishmael arrives in Conakry, the capital of Guinea, after many close calls with corrupt soldiers who wish to rob him of his money and prevent him from leaving the country. He happily settles in the U.S. , and the rest is history.

Can You Help Me Edit My Paper ?

Related Drug Addiction Blogs