Q&A: I Need Suggestions on How to Make This Story Better!?
Question by Kim: I need suggestions on how to make this story better!?
Hey! So I’m writing a story and I REALLY want to know what people think. It’s about an angel who meets an evil angel. Serena’s sent to earth to help a girl named Valerie out of alcohol, and Landon is trying to pull Valerie further into it. I need reviews and suggestions! Here’s chapter one!
Serena stared at the beautiful disaster in front of her. At first sight, anyone could easily stick the “PERFECT” label on Valerie Moore’s flawless forehead. Who could blame them? She was absolutely stunning. Her auburn hair cascaded fluidly down her shoulders, and her blue eyes sparkled like two robin eggs, damp with rain water and glistening in the light. Her nose ended in a slight ski-jump and her milky complexion was unflawed.
So between her blindingly good looks, her eight-digit trust fund, and her socialite status, Valerie Moore certainly looked perfect. But, behind those gorgeous eyes, she was bruised and broken, forever scarred by abuse.
“I’m fine…” Valerie’s speech slurred and Serena could smell the pungently fragranced champagne on her breath. Ever since her painful break-up with her abusive boyfriend, Drew, Valerie had dove head-first into an ocean of alcoholism. She had once been like a beautiful bird, flying high for everyone to see. But now she was falling, trying to hold herself up on broken wings.
That’s why Serena was there. With her “coincidentally” placed apartment right down the hall from Val’s and an identical class schedule, Serena was perfect for the job of fixing Valerie.
Which is why they picked her.
“Come on, let’s get you to bed.” Serena lifted Valerie under the arms and began to gently drag her across the room.
“Why did this happen to me?” Serena felt her eyes get misty as she watched drunken tears fall violently from Valerie’s eyes. Each night, Val begged for an answer to this question, and Serena never had one.
A knock on the door broke them both from their thoughts. Serena carefully set Valerie down and walked to the front of the apartment. She wrapped her hand around the brass knob and pulled open the door.
She was immediately met by a pair of hazel eyes, and got the sudden sensation that she was burning slowly in two golden embers. “Hi, I’m Landon Scott. I was hoping to speak to whoever lives here.” He flashed a dazzling smile, his teeth blindingly white even against his snowy complexion.
Serena looked hesitantly to Val’s drunken state, then back at this gorgeous man in front of her. “Valerie Moore lives here, but I don’t think she’s up for visitors…”
“I come bearing gifts,” he said, raising his eyebrows. He then held up the last thing Valerie needed; a bottle of wine.
Suddenly, Valerie appeared beside Serena. She thanked him and accepted the bottle. They made mindless small talk as Serena sat back, not knowing what to do. She watch with awe as Valerie fiddled flirtatiously with the Tiffany & Co. diamond on her ear. Even in her drunken haze, she could handle herself in any social situation, no matter how casual.
“You’re taking classes at NYU? Me, too, so is Serena!” She giggled and leaned coolly up against the doorway.
“Is that right?” He looked at Serena and arched an eyebrow. She really wished he would stop doing that.
“Yeah, which is why we need to get to sleep. Now.”
“She’s right,” Landon admitted. “I have class early tomorrow. Econ class with Professor Stevens.”
“We have her, too! So I guess I’ll see you tomorrow, and thanks for the wine!” Valerie yelled to Landon as Serena closed the door. She couldn’t believe how childish this once-sophisticated woman was acting!
After making sure Val was safe and in bed, Serena began her way back to her own apartment. In the hallway, she heard loud music blaring from behind a closed door. She knew immediately whose it was, and decided to stop by for a visit.
“Oh, hey, Serena.” Landon seemed surprised to see her at first, but soon regained his cocky composure. “Couldn’t stay away from me, could you?”
“Ha, ha,” Serena retorted sarcastically. She flipped a blonde ringlet over her shoulder in an irritated manner. “And I’m her to tell you that, if you haven’t noticed, Valerie has a bit of a drinking problem. So the ‘party favors’ need to end now.” Her voice was harsh, and she surprised herself with her sudden rudeness. What was it about Landon Scott that made her blood boil like water on a stove?
Landon threw up his hands in defense. “Got it, no more booze. Now, you really should be going. We have Economics early tomorrow. See you there… Angel.”
He closed the door, leaving her standing alone in the hallway. The smell of smoky vanilla still lingered around her from his apartment. Serena began to walk slowly to
Best answer:
Answer by The Strawman
Please… don’t make her perfect with a secret abusive background…
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