A Journey Into the Unknown (Book Excerpt)
places so avoided social gatherings. I had failed to realise that I was simply just different, different in the way every individual is from the other. Every individual is unique and special in every way, even down to his source of income. The difference would ideally create a spark in each individual if his character is adhered to.
I had been shy and reserved since a kid but I had it hidden most of the time, blacked out of my memory, so much so I forgot who I was. I had just, as it were, settled for being a loser trying to win, a nobody trying to be somebody and hence I had to put in my best work.
Getting paid became the high point of my life, the only thing that would make me almost crack a smile or even at least ease up a bit.
As I grew older, I started to adopt the no questions asked policy. I had to assume that everything was exactly as it should be. That life didn’t have a formula for change or success, and that time would reveal what the future held when the time came. I had realised that half of the things I had become weren’t a result of anything I had consciously planned or executed. Through all my failures, my many many failures, I had been acquiring new insights and qualities relating to different aspects of my life. Everything that was still remained, and everything that wasn’t could still be. All I had to do was to aspire and pray, pray and wait patiently.
Of course I had nothing to spend my time doing in the unlikely event that I prayed and waited. Friends and family were to play a good part in my life at that point, but too bad I had neither. By this time I had pushed them miles away from me.
All I had left was Mary Jane, the genie in a liquor bottle, cigarettes and the queens deep in my pockets. That was my life; my obsession, my very own prison, my custom built hell and above all my cycle of death.
A ‘wise guy’ once said humans die everyday when we sleep. I was starting to believe him. The loneliness would bite till the alcohol had taken its toll along with other so called ‘stimulants’ then I could eventually pass out and wake up the next day remembering nothing with a clean slate, a new life and a new emptiness.
Chapter 9 take me back
In the so called modern world, people are only ever ready to share their pain, never their joys. People only come together in hard times, funerals, fuel crisis, recession, terror attacks and tragic events. When everything is well, everyone goes back into their own corners, trying to be better than their neighbours or best friends, gossiping, plotting and scheming or whatever they do behind closed doors. Everyone else becomes the competition and then shortly after turns the opposition and then the enemy. At this point I was like an extra terrestrial looking into the world to see if it was habitable and seeing this put me off and in a way even justified my way of life, far from modern society.
Everyone pretended to be someone else so no one was special. Being better than the next man was good enough for some so there were no high flyers if nobody was flying. I would some times wander why couples would fight and despise each other, or why friends would turn around and gossip about each other or feel bad to see their fellow mates prospering or getting further than they could instead of sharing their joys as they shared the turmoil.
I still had a bit of my childhood innocence though I had aged significantly, heart now stone cold but I never really grew up. I had my inner child buried deep inside of me, imprisoned since an early age and as he slowly resurfaced, I was becoming more ‘humanly pure’ than some societies’ finest role models, of course, not taking into consideration any sources of income.
I had slowly been purified by my cross; the rebellion. I had been working on forging my virtues unconsciously. I learned about discipline from never quitting, never being too tired to go the extra mile even if it was on foot, or run that extra distance further from chasing cops, I learned the value of loyalty, the need for pain and even though for the wrong reasons, humility- I didn’t want to be admired, I was adorned with ill gotten begets and loaded with pelf, in fact it was possible that some of the jewels and cash had previously belonged to the admirers.
As time went on, I came to realise that life wasn’t a game. That life really was a struggle and the end of the struggle?
Drugs or ‘stimulants’ were to disable the mind even if only temporarily to ease pains that may arise during one’s life because humans would have at some point realised that pain would always come, like rain and sunshine. However, some people would realise that gain could come after the pain so the pain wouldn’t hurt so much or may be accepted more readily by people looking from that perspective.
According to the bastard, we were all angels that came to earth for the