What Are Your Opinions on This Short Scene I Wrote?

Question by cooo: What are your opinions on this short scene I wrote?
This scene is intended to be the opening scene of a horror film. The day is kind of gloomy and the school yard seems abandoned and weird with very few kids.

/ Bus pulls up and drops off two boys, Kevin and Chase

Kevin
Damn, the bus came early. No one’s here

Chase
Must be the news thread or whatever. I heard it yesterday. Weird shit.

Kevin
That’s true, but what kinda parent keeps their kids home for something like that?

Chase
Bro it’s scary, what did you hear about it?

Kevin
Some bullshit. It’s a myth. I heard it was the same guy that called in those…what? 10 bomb threats? last year. and how many actually got bombed (sarcastically)

Chase
Only one.

Kevin
Wait…one? I thought that none of them went through.

Chase
It was kept quiet. But it was right down the block from where Kai works. Remember her? The hot senior.

Kevin
Oh. I don’t know bro, but it’s fake stuff.

Chase
Well did you hear anything else?

Kevin
The guy who called it in is a meth head psycho

/ A girl walks up, it is Kai

Kai
(laughs) Was that the wrong time for me to join this conversation?

Chase
Kai, hey. And no…we were just walking to class.

Kai
What were you talking about?

Kevin
That myth

Kai
What?

Chase
The news threat

Kai
(mocking Chase in a lisp voice) The newth threat, the newth threat! (laughs) It’s all ghost stories, Chasey.

/ Bell Rings

Chase
See you at lunch Kai

Kai
If we’re still alive! (walks to class laughing)

/ End
THREAT not thread. Sorry

Best answer:

Answer by Danielle
umm.. it needs a better point of attack. start the beginning with something that catches the audience’s attention.

What do you think? Answer below!