Growing Up…Hesitantly…With Satellite TV

Never having been one to spend too much time in front of the TV, I’ve never really thought too much about satellite TV, cable, or anything else relating to television.  After all, my 1982 Toshiba TV, which I inherited from a former roommate, who got it from his parents, grandparents, or whomever, wasn’t exactly ready for the high definition revolution in TV.  Watching sports was pretty similar to watching a game of Tecmo Bowl on the original Nintendo – a bunch of red and blue squares moving around a green background.  If you stood more than five feet away from the set, the only way to tell who scored was to listed for a crowd either A) cheering or B) falling silent.  

As a result, having moved around the country a few times since leaving the geographic area within which I can watch my beloved Vikings, the only way that I could take part in the inevitable and maddening frustration of a Vikings season was to find a local sports bar with no conflicting allegiances.  As we all know, you can’t just change teams, and the Broncos and Patriots were never of any interest to me, as they tend to win a lot, very foreign concept for a Vikes fan.  Now that I’m in L.A., I can watch the Raiders, which is sort of like watching Arena Ball, or the Chargers, who play on a baseball field, which always bothered me.  So, before too long, it was back to the sports bar search…

After Week 2, I got to thinking about this whole situation.  It wasn’t as though I was 23, working as a ski instructor, using disgusting plaid furniture, handed down from families not even related to me.  I actually had a career now, and as much as I missed my days on the mountain, I wasn’t chomping at the bit to go back to the living accommodations that accompanied those days.  Nice apartment, usually minus transient friends on the couch, furniture without visible stains, a dog that received regular baths.  In fact, the only thing that remained was the 1982 Toshiba, complete with Squaw Valley bumper sticker.  The novelty of going to a bar (without high definition) at 10 A.M. every Sunday was wearing off, and as I thought about the bar tab (and liver damage) for an entire season versus the price of NFL Sunday Ticket and a flat screen, I decided that it was time to grow up and get an HD TV.        

The more I thought about this, the more it made sense, half of my Netflix account was dedicated to HBO series that I was continually a season behind on.  The only way to catch Eastbound & Down was to relentlessly badger one of two friends with HBO, which could land either (or both) in divorce court by Season 3.  I was sick of dealing with the toothless meth-heads that mingled amongst the NFC Central fans Sunday mornings in Venice after their return to the beach post two-week bender in Fresno, and as I priced everything out, I actually came to the conclusion that it might be cheaper to go this route.

Having arrived at the conclusion that I was going to need a flat screen that was ready for a high definition feed, and that I wanted various sports channels, NFL Sunday Ticket, HBO, and nature shows in HD, I ventured off to make a purchase.  With cable packages including a thousand channels that I did not want or need (Oxygen, anyone?), I went for satellite TV, in high definition, with a custom package that included ESPN, NFL Sunday Ticket, HBO, and Discovery, and not a million other add-ons that I didn’t want to pay for.

Week 3 felt pretty good – satellite TV in high definition, 4th quarter comeback for the Vikes, from the comfort of my stain-free couch, without any meth-heads trying to stab me.  Caught the finish of the Bengals-Steelers game as well, and Sunday night, got to watch Eastbound & Down, without contributing to a friend’s divorce.  Shark Week in HD should be epic, and now that my Netflix queue has been freed up, Planet Earth in high definition coming soon.  Best of all, with NFL Sunday Ticket, I will never have to watch the Raiders again, which should help me avoid becoming a soccer fan…