Any Help for Chronic Suicidal Ideation? Assertive Community Treatment? Other Ideas, When Meds & ECT Fail?
Question by gardensallday: Any help for chronic suicidal ideation? Assertive community treatment? Other ideas, when meds & ECT fail?
I have exhausted all my treatment options for bipolar disorder – have honestly tried over 2 dozen meds, alone and in combinations, and ECT (electroshock) and they have all failed or made me worse or I am allergic to the meds etc. ( this is over a period of 15 years – not short term med trials). I have severe depression in the morning nearly every day, and for the entire day about half the time and I just can’t take it anymore – my situation clearly became hopeless when my last ditch effort, ECT, failed. That’s supposed to help 80% of people, and for me, I can just tack that on as more PTSD to get over – I woke up from anasthesia in terror, not remembering why I was there, and lost almost all my memories from 2008, except for that terror, of course (ECT is known to cause amnesia). I rarely get mania anymore, just horrific agitated depression, the anguish so severe I literally want to claw my face off or slash my chest open with a knife. If I still had fingernails, I would have clawed my face off a long time ago. I don’t know what to do anymore – I have been on the edge of death for years.
So, since medication options aren’t there anymore, I am wondering if ACT (assertive community treatment) can help with this? My county workers have not run into psychiatric cases like mine, they swear up and down that most patients do get at least some relief from meds, but I am in a tiny, rural county, and am hoping that someone here has gone thru this, or has a relative who has, and can give me some advice. I’m thinking about going inpatient at mayo clinic, but I already tried the university of MN and that was a total failure, and my regular psychiatrist thought the university was better for psychiatry than mayo clinic. It would be hard for me to get to mayo clinic anyway, it is a 4 hour drive, and I can’t find anything online I haven’t already tried either.
Anyhow, I have had the finest psychiatric care there is, and it has utterly failed, lost my faith in God a few years back, just have nothing left for me except a loving husband, 4 great kitties, and a home I love in rural Minnesota with beautiful maple trees and a lovely pond full of wood ducks and chirping frogs in the backyard, and I need to die, because I can’t stand the anguish anymore. It is unspeakable pain, and I feel this way for NO REASON, just endlessly, due to untreated bipolar disorder. What can I do to live when I hurt so much, with no relief in sight? (That is a true assessment, there will be no relief for me?)
background: I don’t have any personality disorders, already see a therapist regularly, have a social worker and a home worker, see a psychiatrist regularly, am not a substance abuser, excercise a lot, eat a good diet, use a light box – all that healthy stuff. This is just ghastly, severe bipolar disorder that is ( apparently) untreatable. I do also have a severe sexual abuse history, which I have gotten plenty of therapy for. My workers know I have serious problems, but I play them down slightly, since I do not want to be involuntarily committed – it is hard to get help when you have severe mental illness, believe me. An involuntary commitment would not help me – what i need is a medication that would cut down the despair, and apparently, it doesn’t exist – otherwise, if it worked, I would take it.
Best answer:
Answer by peacelove
Sounds like you need to reconnect with God, who is love. Have you prayed yet to be a born-again Christian? Maybe you need to re-commit with the prayer below. Remember that you can also pray for more faith, and have a Christian church prayer group pray for you. Know that God can help you live a better life if you want Him to help you. You can have a personal relationship with God by saying the prayer below. God is our Creator, all-knowing, all-powerful, eternal, holy, love. God loves us and sent us His Son, Jesus Christ, so we can go to heaven if we know and follow Him. Forever means without end — time on and on without death. Forever is what happens after we die. Either we go to heaven and be with God forever, or we go to hell which is very bad and painful forever. The good people who are saved believers in Jesus Christ go to heaven. The bad people go to hell. We need to know and follow God in this world to get to heaven in the next world. We follow God by loving and obeying Him and loving others for Him. Jesus Christ, God’s Son, is our bridge to God. Jesus died on the cross to cancel our sins. We need to accept Jesus into our life as our Lord and Savior forever to receive God’s blessing and forgiveness plus go to heaven to be with God forever after we die. This is about being a born-again Christian. Faith in God is a gift from God. You can pray for faith in God. Just speak out and ask God for the faith to believe in Him and to follow Him. Some people find faith in God when they realize the beauty in the world is made by God. Evolution can’t explain the world’s natural beauty, for example, the parks in the world, animals, flowers, peacocks, sunsets, butterflies, rainbows, etc. After you have your faith on, you can pray a sinner’s prayer to be a born-again Christian. This prayer is very important and should be said with a sincere heart and faith in God. This is the prayer: “Dear God, I know that I am a sinner and that Jesus Christ is the sacrifice for our sins. I have done the following sins (state these out) and I pray to discontinue these sins. I pray to receive Jesus Christ into my life as my Lord and Savior forever. In Jesus’ name, amen.” I’m Lutheran and I like the Baptist churches too. You could check out a Christian church and see about their weekly Bible study group as a good way to learn about God’s will for your life. You can pray to God about your daily life and have a Christian church pray for you.
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